I’ve crossed a line that, for the last 32 years, had been impeccably defended by my body’s disposition to equilibrium.
One hundred and fifty pounds. I had never stepped on the scale and seen a number less than 150… until a week ago.
The months leading up to year-end 2025 had been consistent in terms exercise. Short runs of 3 to 4 miles twice a week, and strength training three times a week. Time tested movements: squats, push ups, pull ups, dips, barbell rows, kettlebell swings.
On December 31, my weight was close to my natural upper limit of 165. And that is when things started to go south. On January 1, as in celebration of the new year, the super flu knocked me out for two weeks, followed by another couple of weeks of fatigue. Then February came and went without finding my way back to the training groove.
March was going to be different, but surprise: a severe cold descended upon the family. I’m, without certainty, blaming my son for the ordeal. He is my patient zero suspect as he is in transitional kindergarten (TK).
of lower bounds
My natural lower bound without illness has been 155 lbs. since I can remember. The few times when I’ve been sick, I’ve approached 150.
This time, however, I noticed something was off. Simply walking around the office felt like I was wearing someone else’s clothes. So, one morning, I stepped on the scale and I saw it.
149.8
It was f#cking shocking to see.
defcon 2
I immediately went in high alert mode and still am. I try to hydrate more throughout the day, avoid skipping meals (even though I’ve skipped meals before without consequences), and I’m going back to my garage gym.
What has been unsettling is not the number itself, but noticing that I feel hungry even after eating a good meal, and then going back to the scale and seeing a 149.5 and a 148.7.
Of course I had to consult the internet for a diagnosis: diabetes or pre-diabetes. The cherry picked symptoms are here, and the seeds had been planted by my unhealthy consumption of candy and Mountain Dew.
I knew I had to stop you, Dew, but my attempts only lasted, as Cavafy says, two weeks at the most:
That’s why the repentance was so fickle. And my resolutions to hold back, to change, lasted two weeks at the most.
but it’s looking more like nothing
It’s been now over a week, and I’m in the 152-153 range. Being back above 150 makes me feel cured, even though it’s very likely that the entire variation (up or down) is due to changes in hydration or glycogen levels.
And because I’m cured, there isn’t any remorse when I open an ice-cold Mountain Dew and it’s only 8
on Sunday.not off he hook yet
I don’t think I’m in safe territory yet. I wonder whether this feeling hungry while losing weight combo, even if it was all in my imagination, I wonder if it’s a put on notice.
It’s because of the nagging feeling of ‘not off the hook yet’ that I chose to write this post.